Starting to Explain Divorce to Your Child

When you are a parent and you decide divorce has become a reality, the only thing in your head is how to tell your child(ren). My daughter was 3 when I decided my ex-husband and I should try a trial separation. I sat my daughter down and explained that we would be staying with friends for a little while. I really didn't know what to say, except to try and tell her that mommy and daddy love her so much but we couldn't live together anymore.

Where we went to stay the family had three kids, which was a great distraction in a way for my daughter. After about a month it was evident that divorce papers needed to be filed. So I started that process in October. I then began looking for a new house...so this was another explanation to my daughter. She didn't know what divorce was, she was 3. She knew things had changed. I decided to try and take the fun route of telling her how we were getting a new girls only house, and now she would have two rooms.  She was really focused and excited about this possibility.

In March two amazing things happened, the divorce went through and we moved into our girls only house. I made a big deal over it and I thought I would be in the clear, but as parents of most toddlers know...they do not forget and they love to question EVERYTHING. So far we have gone through a couple phases:

• Do you still love my daddy phase: She asks this at least a couple times a month. I have chosen to respond with "I will always love your daddy as he gave me you, and you are an amazing and perfect child".  No idea the right answer on this, but to me I think it is important for her to know there was love between her parents.
• Why can't we all live in the girls house phase: This is a little less frequent as she is way more attached to me. She does ask and this is a tough one to answer...typically my response is because we can't. Lol. Yes I know this is not a great explanation, but I don't want to say anything mean so I keep it short and sweet.

There are also so many other issues, like why daddy didn't come to something or why I can't stay at her daddy's house. Isolated incidents that come up on a weekly basis that  you have to carefully maneuver like a game of frogger. The only thing I know as being a product of divorce myself, is you DO NOT bad mouth the other parent, and you DO NOT use your child as a thing against each other. No matter how "good" the divorce is, it can really affect a child. My only goal is to make sure my daughter knows how loved she is, none of what happened had anything to with her and that I wouldn't change a thing.

My daughter seems to be adjusting well, but as much as you think that one conversation will end issues for her...it quickly became evident to me that this will be years to come of answering her questions and I deserve to have to answer every one of them. Divorce was a choice my ex and I made, so my daughter can ask as many questions and feel any way she needs to feel...I will be there for all of it and help her to get through every phase she has.

Always remember...kids hear more than you realize, understand more than you would like and just need your unconditional love.