"I am grateful for my struggle, without it I would not have found my strength"This tattoo wasn't just for my divorce...it was for everything I have been through in my life. I had a rough childhood, and many people I went to school with would be shocked to realize this. On the outside we appeared to be a typical family, but inside our house walls was a lot of anger, abuse and fear. I was scared every day I went home because you never knew what you were going home to as far as my evil stepfather (I have to distinguish as I now have a loving step father in my life) and what his mood would be. The physical abuse I could handle, but the mental abuse has left a permanent mark that I have never been able to overcome. I actually got my tattoo on my left side on purpose...it is the side in which my stepfather broke my ribs when I was in 8th grade, it made me a stronger person who realized hitting was never the answer and that I would never want to instill that type of fear in my child.
Fast forward past all that as my mother finally got out of that horrible situation and we all left him behind and out of our lives forever. My life seemed to be on a good track...that is until my senior year of college in 2001. I needed beer money so I did a research study I found in the college paper, do a MRI and get $85. Easy right? Well who knew that beer money and an MRI would save my life. I received a call the day after my MRI...they had found a brain tumor. I was assured not to worry, it didn't appear to be cancer, well after a year and a half of watching my tumor they removed it. What do you know...they were wrong. I had cancer in my body all that time, but I thank God I am alive and healthy now.
I handled that situation better than most, but what not everyone realized was my sister was dying at that same time. She had a terminal illness which was worse than ever at that point. She was born with a very rare lung disease. Watching what she was going through gave me the strength to realize I was going to be fine. For the next two years I watched my sister grow more and more ill, while never complaining of the pain she was in and the fear of leaving her children behind. Losing her was by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life. My poor mother, I can only imagine her pain during those years, and even now.
I have lost numerous family members and friends, watched two people taken off life support, been sexually assaulted by a boyfriend, watched my mother be abused, I've been abused, recently lost my job...and I have come out the other side a stronger and more optimistic person than I could have ever imagined. So when people don't understand how I wasn't completely shattered by my divorce I want them to read this and try to understand. I have been through so many things in life that could have broken me, and I chose not to let it. Nothing will break me from opening my heart to people, always looking for the positive, always looking for the good in every situation and raising my daughter to be the same. I am stronger than most would ever realize, and I am damn proud of every part of my life. With every bad situation you learn something, you choose what you want to do with it.
This blog post really is to show people, you have no idea the struggles someone has going on in their life as not all of us share every detail all the time...do not judge what you do not understand. I never truly understood the strength I had until recently when I reflected on everything over the past 35 years. I know many have been through so much worse than me and I probably have no idea. Embrace your strength in every situation in life...being a single mom starting over is just another one to add to a list of things I had no idea I could do! I hope my daughter never has to go through some of the things I have, but whatever she goes through I will help her realize her strength.
People have to recall that we never what sort of trauma others have had to endure throughout their lives. You easily could have become a professional victim, but you chose not to do so. I met you in 2002 shortly before your surgery. I remember when they told you that it was cancer after they had initially said that it was benign.
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